Wheres your steady?

Wheres your steady?

I do not understand these people oh! See man pikin see trouble? Jejely , on a happy Sunday I went to church to worship God, after catching the Holy Ghost and all, I put on my happy face and did the cordial "Good Afternoon Aunty/Uncle" to the church members. Just as I thought I had escaped yet another Sunday baby shower/ bridal shower/ women's meeting/ singles party ati be be lo, I felt a hand grab my arm and I turned around. It was Aunty Funke*, one of my momsi's friends.

"Good Afternoon Aunty", I said, thinking she was about to scold me for not coming to greet her. I was stunned when she spilled the most insulting words out to me.

"Where is your steady? You know Doyin* is getting married now, we have not seen you bring anybody to church yet eh?"

"oh..." not knowing what to say, I simply blurted out the truth "I really haven't had that much time to date lately, you know with school and work and all."

That was a BIG MISTAKE!

"Ah! You better stop that! You better start looking for a husband, you're not getting younger. In fact, where's your mother?"

I turned around to see if anyone else had heard what I was hearing or whether I had some how lost my mind and was imagining stuff. Well, since then I have become a prayer point for her. Mind you, I'm only f'ing 24!

Sincerely, its not as if I do not want a boyfriend/ husband but just because I am not a "husband hunter" does not mean that I am off course! Come on! What century are we in now? Abi are we still fighting for womens rights amongst women too. I never planned to marry early. So what if I am taking the "Man's Way" and settling my education, finance and career before settling down? Men do it all the time and somehow the Nigerian society finds a way to deal with it. Where is the page in the Bible that says I must be married/engaged or as she put it with a "steady" by age 25?

It's really annoying. If I happen to find love before then, its all good but I'm not buying the idea that I must have a man before I am viewed as a success. Do all my accolades and accomplishments mean nothing because I don't have a ring on my finger? I know a ton of Nigerian girls that have halted their lives, thrown everything they have worked on for years because they were chasing husbands. Think about it... you know who they are. The ones that dropped out of school, quit their jobs and moved to London or Baltimore or Nigeria because some dude "sounded" serious. Tufiapa! That is not my portion! 99.9% of the time, they're broken up by month 3.

Even my father is pissing the B'Jesus out of me. he called from Lagos to tell me he had found me a husband. Unfortunately for him I was already in the worst of moods and ignored his useless conversation, handing my sister the phone so she can deal with his bull. Even some of my friends have gotten into the habbit of passing me a hook up.

"oh, why don't we go to the movies/ party/dinner/ friends house" only to find out there's some dude there that has been stalking my face book pictures and profile. Abeg oh, I no want. Make una carry go! If the boy fine pass why una no marry am?

I really believe I did not invest all my time and effort in school to wear a ring. If I knew that was all I was useful for, I would have stopped my education at JSS 3 and gone to sewing school and probably paid more attention in Home Economics class. As our Yoruba Literature book says " Je n lo gba temi" Abi, no be so? Let me live my life jare, I will find husband when it is time. I am not a bra burner ( even though I'd love to burn the one I'm wearing right now), but I'd like to be free to decide WHO I'll marry and WHEN I'll marry.

* Names have been changed. I don't want to cast anybody : )