WANTED: One Sugar Honey

WANTED: One Sugar Honey

In case you haven't noticed, I'm on the prowl! I am actively looking and searching! As for me oh, I must to find my own! You haven't heard? Ha! See you, be sitting down there reading like a mumu. Me and my "Bigs Gehl" self, I am looking for one.

I'm not looking for a boyfriend, or a husband, I'm not even looking for a sugar daddy. If you don't know, you better start to recognize, there's someone new in town. They call him "SUGAR HONEY".

Let me help you help yourself. See, if you're still clueless, I'll define it for you. A "SUGAR HONEY" is RICHER than your boyfriend, and FINER than your SUGAR DADDY. In fact, he's got a swagger like no other, and its kind of hard to resist.

Okay, so maybe I'm not looking for one, but the truth is that they're out there. Everywhere. From Lagos, to London, to Houston, to D.C. They're all over, after you read this, that little light bulb will twinkle above your head, because I bet you five kobo, you know just who I'm talking about.

Omo men, don't read on if you can't handle pepper. I know I'm casting out some people (and some people's husbands/boyfriends) but them dey yanfu yanfu for my side. I've even fallen for one before, so this story here is to warn you, the one that is engaged to him and the one that he paid car note for.And if you're looking for one, here's a good place to be. Let me start with the symptoms:


Forget all those Naija movies of yesteryears. He ain't old. In fact, they get younger every day. Forget the senator, its all about the senators son now. A sugar honey is in his prime. He's between the ages of 25/26 and runs anywhere to 35 - 39. All that one that he has walking stick and arthritis is BULL! He is still limber and the only third leg on him.....hmmmmmmmm, I'm not even going there (me being a saint and all). He goes jogging in the morning and goes to the gym at night. That image of the port-bellied man in in "one thousand and five", wash it away. My sugar honey rocks "polo tops" and 3 piece suits that fit just right. He is F-R-E-S-H.

As for his status, you'll know that one when he pulls up with his nice brand new, leather interior, custom finished CL550 coupe. Abeg, even you sef you know he ain't one of those little boys with last years Lexus that they bought from auction. You know its PAID IN FULL. Apartment? If you think all those little boys with their dealer leased and auction bought cars had money, think again. They stay with their parents or have an apartment (with a cousin/roommate) off Bissonet. I'm not saying anything is wrong with it oh, I'm just saying if your car doesn't match your apartment, who are you fooling? My sugar honey don't roll like that. Men, that nucca got a loft downtown, a condo in mid town and is looking to buy a house in the 'burbs. In short he's got stacks. FULL STOP. He runs his own business(es), has inheritance from his parents and he probably has his masters or is working on it.

Too bad he's already taken, is what you'll say to your friend. Little do you know he's "chucking" her on the side. Walahi Talahi, tell me that your bulb is not flashing. In fact, he's in church on Sunday with you, you've met his girl, you've seen their vacation pictures to Barbados all over face book. He's even listed as "In a Relationship" on his profile. There's no hiding the fact that he's involved. But that ain't ever stopped him.

He's not a player, that one is for those small boys with big cars and no money. Those ones have to play games to make you drop pant. He ain't got time for that. Just one look, and I promise, you'll pick a fight with your boyfriend for no reason. That way, you can sleep on your computer peacefully, stalking his face book profile.

Somehow, somehow, they always have girlfriends, or fiance's or wives that either:
a) live in another state or country;
b) work too much; AND/OR
c) are the epitome of the Virgin Mary (they are usually sooooooooooo sweet and well mannered)

But this man is a FREAK. He can't defile his perfect girlfriend/wife. No. It is you that he's going to get for all that other stuff. Na lie I talk? Stop blushing jare. He'll tell you that himself. He'll never hide his wedding band. You'll know he's got someone, you just won't want to believe it. He'll pay your tuition, if you ask him to. He'll pay your car note, if you need him to. He'll even pay for your momsi's ticket to come from Lagos. All this while in your head you're thinking..."Damn, this guy is good"... then your best friend whispers in your ear "Too bad he's already taken" as you guys watch him bring his new CL550 for blessing in church. Yup, that's right, he's chucking you, that pretty usher in pink, and probably your best friend too....ON THE SIDE.

Don't say I didn't warn you. You just have to know what you want out of it. If you're looking for a good time and a new wardrobe, you got your man. But if you're looking for something else, don't hold your breath! If you like, break up with your boyfriend on his behalf. He'll never leave his girl for you. You better go and beg your boyfriend on Bissonet quick quick, because HE DON'T LOVE YOU!

As for me,I'm looking for a new laptop, tuition payment and 6 months rent for my new apartment off Montrose. And if possible, a nice toyota camry (new model) to match that new prada dress I desperately want. If you fit the bill, don't hesitate "Holla at your girl" ; )